My One & Only Regret

After many months, my friend, Alfred, and I finally got the chance to catch up with so many things! He is like one of my best friends, and one of the friends I know I’ll have forever, so it is important to update events in each other’s lives.

One thing that we did for more than an hour was answering “would you rather” questions. Basically, it’s just about answering the question based on what you think you would hypothetically choose or do. Like, for example, “would you rather eat chocolate-flavored poop or poop-flavored chocolate?” It’s just as simple as that. But some are really tough like “would you rather be friends with the love of your life or marry your enemy?” It’s kind of a weird game but a really difficult one. When you come to think of it, you might possibly have to make those decisions one day.

Then, there was this one question that I always know the answer to…

Would you rather see your future or change your biggest regret?

I don’t think most people would like to see the future, you know. The future is unpredictable. It is something you shall not cheat on, it just happens. And what people should do is live in this Spectacular Now.

So, obvi I rather change my biggest regret, as well as my friend. Alfred shared that he would have chosen another career path. He would have wished that he pushed that dream school of his and have it differently than how he turned out to be. It’s like having a series of¬† ‘what-ifs’. And for me, I have this biggest regret, my only regret that I’ve had since my last year in¬† gradeschool.

I let my first love slip out of my hands.

If I would change it, I would have given it a chance. Let’s go down yo memory lane. So, I met a boy, a boy I had in my class. We were strangers to each other yet we became seatmates – for the whole school year. And in that year, we became really close, close enough to be bestfriends, then started to really like each other by the end of the year.

He was sweet, really kind, funny and smart. He was Mr. Right. He liked me for who I was behind all my flaws. He was a keeper, I must say.

But then when we had our first year of high school, everything became different. I don’t know what happened but for some apparent and unjustifiable reason, we weren’t friends anymore. It was all gone before we had the chance to be something. Even that beautiful friendship was gone And the rest was history.

I regret that I didn’t do anything about it. Well, I would have never knew what to do at that time. I was 13 and too young to know what was going on.

But only if I had the chance and see what would have happened with my love life. It doesn’t matter if maybe we are still together until now if it happened or not. What matters is what if we just tried.

There are alot of things we wished we never did. But that is life I guess. We make mistakes, and it is all in the past. And I am thankful for it. I would never change my past for I know it makes me who I am now.

But this is an exemption…
I’ve got this feeling that he would have been one of the greatest things that could have happened in my life.

I just wished our paths would cross again. I’m not hoping for anything but just to see how things would go if we became friends again.

To be honest, I rarely share this story to my friends. It just makes me sad thinking about it. It’s kind of difficult to go back to a time where you wish you could change it but you can’t, and you’ll never get to see what happens after because you know there is no next page.

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Always Fight For Yourself

Two weeks ago, my brother resigned from a job he had in a hotel even before his first month of working is over. Let’s just say that things got ugly in the workplace – ‘ugly’ meaning bullying and stepping on other people for their own sake. Guess it was all too much for my brother that he has to quit at once.

People are mean & selfish!
This is a really UGLY world, unfortunately. ūüė¶

In relation to this, we, Filipinos, are very familiar with the term called ‘Crab Mentality’

Crab Mentality – people tend to do evil & vicious things to pull down other people for their benefit to get higher

It’s sad.

Some people couldn’t just be fair. Where is justice, people?!!

So, as my brother walked his resignation paper and talked to the authorities, hoping that some good thing will happen, well, it just became worse. He was even treated like shit (excuse the language). I’m saying this for his sake because the people concerned even made him felt that he is in the wrong position, in fact, he was the person abused in the situation. People in the workplace knew about this stupid behavior yet they tolerate it. So crucial!

It’s not some kind of initiation as they think it is. It is lowering a person’s self-esteem, and it is one of the most terrible and worst things that could happen to an individual. It loses confidence and faith in oneself. Thus, in a worst case scenario, might lead into suicidal.

“You should have fought for yourself.”
These are the words I mentioned to my brother over dinner. (Well, my farewell words before we put this incident all behind us – it was tragic, for my brother)

Every person has the right to fight for themselves in whatever condition that your dignity and your pride are being ruined by others.

WE MUST STEP UP TO SOMETHING WE KNOW IS RIGHT!

Don’t let anyone tell you something that you are not!

I am really not a big fan of negative adjectives. All my life, I hate those bad vibes‚Ķ It’s very inappropriate to a growing child or even to a person who is trying to find his place in this world.

We must learn how to appreciate the little things, the tiny abilities that one can do.

We are here in this world not to destroy one another but to build a space for people to grow and to be successful.

Be fair & spread peace!

Thou Shall Not Deceive

I was waiting at the bus stop along Taft Avenue awhile ago while I was just a few chapters of finishing this amazing book РGirl Online by Zoe Sugg (better known with her sensational Youtuber name Zoella). Suddenly, something happened before my eyes…

There is a guy holding tons of scapular and a card that contains a prayer. Then, a man and woman was walking along. The three of them met coming from opposite directions right in front of me. The couple was stopped by the man with the scapulars then handed each of them a scapular and the card. Thinking that those were free, the two were about to continue walking. But then, the guy came back to them and said they should making an offering. The woman gave 20 pesos saying that its already for the two if them but the man reluctantly said that each if them should give and offering. I was so said I didnt even bother to meddle.

I think this is one of the moments you just hate people for being such hypocrites. I know for sure that he was just using those scapulars to get money from people. I don’t know if you can consider this incident as one if those what is called here in the Philippines as “budol-budol”.

Let me explain what budol-budol is based from how I understood hoe it works. It is an act done by people to fool people. They pretend that they are in some situation or they try to sell you something (just like this incident) but what they are really up to is to distract you into paying attention to them. The next thing you know you lost your valuables. It’s sad right?

That is one of the tragic things or doings Filipinos do to deceive people just to score money or gadgets.

Why do we have to outsmart or fool other people to trouble them? Why can’t we just work to get what we want?

Middle Child Syndrome Craze

Recently, I’ve been really sensitive that I had series of emotional breakdowns. There were just a lot of issues at hand, and as a matter of fact, I couldn’t hold much burden.

My graduation is coming up and I feel less excited than I should be. I felt like people at home are not so outspoken with their happiness for me finishing college. Then, I just had a broken friendship, unexpected arguments, and an incident that broke my self-esteem apart. I felt like the world is against me and I got no one to talk to but my big stuffed teddy bears. I felt so vulnerable… It was a terrible feeling – a terrible moment in my life.

But then, having to know that someone feels the same makes me feel at ease. My friend had the same feeling – although less miserable than mine. Then, as we talked through it, we concluded that it’s just a MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME!!!

I’ve read few articles about it but let me share what exactly it is all about. The Middle Child Syndrome is when the middle child is given less attention than the eldest and the youngest.

I think it is unfair that parents or even the whole family think that way. There should be equality in treatment and recognition. I get it that things happen but it is all about the mindset of the people. It’s a graduation! It is a very important stage in my life. In someone’s life. It is where one’s life transitions to a more mature and complicated stage- the reality (higher priorities, more needs).

But then it’s all good. What matters is I know for a fact that my family is deep down very proud of me, each one of them. (FYI, I have a big family – my parents, an older brother, younger sister, 2 aunts, 2 cousins in their early 30’s & a 10-year old niece) No matter what happens, my family will always be there. We may not have the best personalities to match one another, but one thing is for sure is that we protect and support each other. No matter how far, how hard things go… love will overcome.

What If I’m Not Happy?

How can we say if we are happy? Is it when we feel carefree and extreme bliss?
I am actually so confused right now. I know I should be happy. The number of my days in college are numbered. I should be grateful that I am one step closer to have accomplish this stage in my life, but I am not.

The four years that I have stayed in this school, studying Education, taught me a lot about life. It opened my eyes to a side that I haven’t seen before. A side of different people, different lifestyles, different perspectives – different versions of life. It was quite a big change with who I am and what I should be doing with my life.

But recent events, got me wondering a lot. If I would have not chosen this path, what would I be right now?

Would I be a party girl? A person that I know is within me. Maybe I would have glamorous possessions and an abundant stock of clothing. I might be intimate with a guy, someone I would have met in a bar. I might have gone to places through hundreds of road trips with my college friends. Would I be so liberated as what I think I really am?

All these thoughts got me thinking…
What if the path that I did not choose would have been better?
What if the life I’m living right now pulled me away from the person that I should have become?

I realized these things when I think about the people I used to hang out with have lived the life that I might have had. I imagine myself being socially exposed to different kinds of people, exploring crazy things and being a totally different person.

Thinking about this makes me sad. My life in college has been dull. I’ve only lived with school and home – basically, my top priorities. I might have some escape fun trips but it didn’t last for long. I did not have much freedom as I have wanted.

But what the hell am I thinking?!!

MY LIFE IS GREAT!!!!
IT IS AWESOME! ūüėÄ

Maybe these are just life pleasures that an ambitious person like me would wish.
My life is spectacular , and I AM GRATEFUL.
For whatever I’ve been through, wherever I am, there must be some reason why I am here – in this place, in this time.

I have a wonderful family, a big happy family of crazy warfreaks. The special people who accept me despite my shortcomings.
I have a very small amount of friends that I trust and respect, friends that I am able to be myself and who understand the vicious side of me.
A future career that aspires me to bring change in the world through the young generation that I will be teaching.
I have a spiritual community that allows me to see life in a very positive way – a place where I feel so blessed.
And last but not the least, a big and powerful GOD – the author of my life,my guardian, my counselor and friend.

I AM HAPPY. I think everyone should be! If not, well, it is just you and only you who makes your life miserable. Be thankful for what you have, and for who you are.
And just wait!!! There are more things coming that you should be glad and thankful to have.

TOXIC Relationships

TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
– a relationship between two people that has become unhealthy whether emotionally, physically or spiritually;
– a relationship fails or finds it difficult to attain its relationship goals and commitments to maintain their status
– a relationship wherein one or both of them feels unhappy or unsatisfied with the other person or the turn of events

Lately, I’ve heard some issues of people I know who is in a toxic relationship. Some of them¬†are on the verge of having a huge conflict while others unfortunately have ended it already.

At times when people come to you about their problems, you just have to listen, but not in my case. I like to interfere in these situations.

I am no expert in love and about relationships nor at giving advice. I only know is¬†to tell people what they want to hear. Yes, maybe we could just be passive listeners, but remember,¬†you won’t be able to help that person grow by listening.

Alam ko hindi madali ang maging ‘in a relationship’. Oo, masaya pero hindi laging masaya.

“Hindi araw-araw kilig. Hindi araw-araw pasko.” -Lola Nidora.

Walang kaginhawaan ang hindi dumadaan sa hirap. We go through rocks at one point in our relationships. Pero kung lagi naman kayo nandun sa stage na laging nagaaway, hindi na¬†nagkakaintindihan, aba mahirap na yun. It’s not a healthy relationship. You’re in a toxic relationship.

Perhaps you feel naging masyadong controlling yun partner mo o di kaya boring? O kaya dahil sa sobrang familiarity at kaya nagkasawaan na?

Maybe, the problem is that you forgot the essence of love in a relationship. Para saan nga ba ang magkaroon ng partner?

Always make sure that in every day, every second and every minute of your life, you let yourself be in love with your partner. (Love, Wedding & Marriage)

Oo, mahirap masaktan, but that’s part of life. We all get hurt. We are humans. The thing is‚Ķ do you get hurt with the right reasons?
Ewan ko ba ah pero alam kong mahirap panghawakan ang isang bagay na di naman nagpapasaya sayo.

It’s difficult to hold to something that hurts you.

Kung ang buhay ng tao kailangan ng food and shelter to survive, ang relationship din kailangan ng maintenance. It’s up to you how to spice up your relationship.

Kung hindi ka na masaya sa relationship mo bakit kailan pang magtagal?Kung pinapaasa ka lang naman ng tao, bakit ka magpapakatanga? Bakit pa maghihintay to the point na mas lalo ka lang masasaktan?

Choices lang naman yan. You have the ability to choose your path, to make the right choices. May karapatan kang lumigaya sa tamang oras, sa tamang tao.

Oo siguro mahirap iwanan ang isang bagay na nakasanayan mo na. Eh ang tanong, paano kung sa katagalan ganoon pa din, mas mahirap, papayag ka pa rin ba na ganoon nalang?

Will you stay? Or will you give yourself a chance for a better life, for a better partner. You need to be with someone who allows you to grow or who is willing to grow with you.

Relationships are about how someone completes you in your imperfections. It’s about being with someone who accepts you and understands you in any circumstances. It’s not just about flowers, chocolates neither time nor distance be the factor of it.

It’s about your determination to maintain a healthy and wonderful relationship with someone against all odds.

Looks, money, comfortableness or even the length of the relationship doesn’t define it. Love defines¬†the importance of that special person – the quality, the happiness it gives in your life.

You know it is love when you can’t feel anything but it.¬†– Barefoot

Kung hindi ka na din naman nabibigyan ng oras, halaga at pagmamahal, huwag ka na matiyaga. ANG LOVE BINIBIGAY SA ISANG TAONG DESERVING. HINDING-HINDI SINASAYANG ANG PAGMAMAHAL.

Kung hindi mo na mahal, huwag mo nang paasahin. Lahat naman ng bagay naayos sa paguusap at hindi sa silent treatment na naghihintay ka nalang na makipag-break siya sayo. Hindi ba’t mas magandang tapusin ang isang bagay nang may¬†pagkakaintindihan. Ang problema hinaharap, hindi iniiwan sa ere.

Huwag maging manhid. Huwag maging martyr. Mahalaga ka para mahalin ng iba at hindi saktan.

I am not sure of what I am really talking about here because I have never been in an intimate relationship. But after hearing stories, watching alot of romcom or romantic movies and reading romantic novels, I know enough to say these words to you. Meron din naman ako pinaghuhugutan

In the end, it’s all up to you‚Ķ
All you have to do is to answer this question:
Is it still worth fighting for?

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Kaya tayo sinasaktan ng taong mahal natin kasi baka may darating na isang tao na mas magmamahal sa atin, yun hindi tayo sasaktan.
-Popoy, One More Chance

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When you get into a relationship, you fall in love. May mananakit, may masasaktan. May mangiiwan, may naiiwan.
-Clark Medina, On The Wings of Love

Better way of making the right decision in life is to weigh things…

I’m 20 and still kicking!

Hooray for I just turned 20 years old today!

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Last year, on my birthday, I was 19 and told myself that I’m getting old. And I don’t want to be old yet. I still want to be young – to be a teenager. I used to think that I haven’t live my life yet. I wasn’t ready to let go of my teenage years.

Awhile ago, my friend asked me,
How does it feels to be twenty?
I told her that a year ago I don’t feel like getting old then. But now, I can say that I feel more matured and happy with my life.

Life is a journey through maturity and through the struggles we go through to survive it. Here I am, twenty years old, alive and kicking. I have faced life’s challenges for the past 20 years – ever since I cried when I came out of my mother’s womb to being picky with meals, having to bear the bed wetting days to having fight with friend and ended up losing alot, from the moment I almost fell in love to the point when I realized my purpose in life.

In every second, every minute of our lives we become mature. We experience things to better know the world. We constantly change to be the person we want to be. And I can say that I have grown into a wonderful woman, with parents who raised me well as a person and I couldn’t ask for any better. Through my struggles, I have become who I am now.

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A compassionate being with an understanding heart. A friend who thinks of the benefits of others than hers. A person passionate for change. And a humble human blessed with God’s grace to make a difference in this world.

Lastly, I want to say Goodbye to my teenage years, and also to my childhood. Thank you for the memories that made me who I am now.

The only wish that I have for my birthday is… I wish to become a better person, for me to embrace more people and be able to leave a mark in this world. I may fully love the people around me.

Lastly, Thank You God for bringing me to where I am and for leading me to where I should be. ūüėÄ