In times in our lives, things get so complicated that we lose sight of what really matters. And sometimes we tend to forget how things should be – realistically and practically speaking.
We are so lost in confusion that we didn’t know how to handle things anymore.
Then, we let the world – the people around us, the situation we allow – dictate the things that happen… but we should not.
Flipping coins, having a random roulette, and closing your eyes then opening them to show you which you should choose or do are just some silly ways to get manipulated by luck.
We all want things. Yes, there are choices, and as humans with an intellectual capability, we can narrow those down to which is more important. But what do we do? We assume that we are too weak to determine for ourselves what is best for us. We even end up always relying on other people to make these decisions for us.
This is just unfortunate that most of us are cowards. We are not able to take the risks because we are afraid on how it is going to affect us, the plans and principles we have. But if not cowardice, we are misleaded by the risky things we do.
I have taken a huge risk. But things and situations change so quickly, even our perspectives do. Then, it changes our decisions.
So, we tend to create these scenes where we get to decide whether it is a “make it” or “break it”moment. Well, for me… it was a “break it” moment. And because it happened, it made things clearer for me.
Yes, we should take risks.
I knew it was risky… that was my fault.
I had to go through some shitty things and stupid decisions first – outing myself too much and doing such reckless and bold moves, before it knocks me right over and wakes me up from this obnoxious idea. (Well, literally, my bestfriend pulled my hair; the other threatened to slap me.)
It hurts to get blinded by your desires and this flattery idea because at the end, you are the loser. You expected too much. He doesn’t care.
Now, I get the urge of still playing this petty “game” but, this time, with a different approach.
This is the part where I build myself up.
I spend too much time manipulating people to like me that I even forgot to show them that I am already amazing the way I am (in my own way, thiugh). Because I have this drive that I need to adjust to meet his standards, but I was wrong – that was a pathetic move. Why be somebody else for him? I tried to be cool and be liberated to match him. But the heck, I wasted so much time of senseless conversations.
Yes, we do some reckless things sometimes. And I think that is part of learning – the hard way. That’s practically fine… because it opened my eyes.
So, then I have realized that I kept losing myself, my direction, with these dreamy realities that I forgot I have a life to live.