What If I’m Not Happy?

How can we say if we are happy? Is it when we feel carefree and extreme bliss?
I am actually so confused right now. I know I should be happy. The number of my days in college are numbered. I should be grateful that I am one step closer to have accomplish this stage in my life, but I am not.

The four years that I have stayed in this school, studying Education, taught me a lot about life. It opened my eyes to a side that I haven’t seen before. A side of different people, different lifestyles, different perspectives – different versions of life. It was quite a big change with who I am and what I should be doing with my life.

But recent events, got me wondering a lot. If I would have not chosen this path, what would I be right now?

Would I be a party girl? A person that I know is within me. Maybe I would have glamorous possessions and an abundant stock of clothing. I might be intimate with a guy, someone I would have met in a bar. I might have gone to places through hundreds of road trips with my college friends. Would I be so liberated as what I think I really am?

All these thoughts got me thinking…
What if the path that I did not choose would have been better?
What if the life I’m living right now pulled me away from the person that I should have become?

I realized these things when I think about the people I used to hang out with have lived the life that I might have had. I imagine myself being socially exposed to different kinds of people, exploring crazy things and being a totally different person.

Thinking about this makes me sad. My life in college has been dull. I’ve only lived with school and home – basically, my top priorities. I might have some escape fun trips but it didn’t last for long. I did not have much freedom as I have wanted.

But what the hell am I thinking?!!

MY LIFE IS GREAT!!!!
IT IS AWESOME! 😀

Maybe these are just life pleasures that an ambitious person like me would wish.
My life is spectacular , and I AM GRATEFUL.
For whatever I’ve been through, wherever I am, there must be some reason why I am here – in this place, in this time.

I have a wonderful family, a big happy family of crazy warfreaks. The special people who accept me despite my shortcomings.
I have a very small amount of friends that I trust and respect, friends that I am able to be myself and who understand the vicious side of me.
A future career that aspires me to bring change in the world through the young generation that I will be teaching.
I have a spiritual community that allows me to see life in a very positive way – a place where I feel so blessed.
And last but not the least, a big and powerful GOD – the author of my life,my guardian, my counselor and friend.

I AM HAPPY. I think everyone should be! If not, well, it is just you and only you who makes your life miserable. Be thankful for what you have, and for who you are.
And just wait!!! There are more things coming that you should be glad and thankful to have.

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